A Light in the Darkness
by FireLily969
Summary: Buffy tries to put life back together after Chosen, but dreams of Spike plague her. She must decide what is real and what is not. BS. Please RR!
1. Chapter One

Summary: What happens after Chosen...My Way. B/S Rated: PG-13 Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS, or any of the characters...so please don't hurt me! Chapter One: Rebirth  
  
A Light in the Darkness  
  
Deep, ragged breathing woke Dawn Summers. She turned to see which of the many girls sleeping on the floor of the warehouse was having nightmares. She was looking forward to the Slayerettes returning home. It'd just be her and Buffy again. Sighing, Dawn tiptoed over the girls, till she stood before the sleeping mass of Buffy, Xander, Giles, and Willow. They were all lying close together, and it brought back memories of better times. Xander was snoring lightly, but nothing else. Willow had a placid smile on her face, still sleeping off her mega mojo from the afternoon. Giles was just...Giles. That left Buffy. Again, Buffy moaned in her sleep, her breath hitching and rasping from her body.  
  
"Buffy! Buffy get up!" Dawn whispered, placing a hand on her sister's shoulder and shaking her lightly. No movement. Dawn was about to shake her again when Buffy's eyes snapped open and her hand shot out and caught Dawn in a death grip.  
  
"Ouch! Buffy it's me! Chill" Dawn said, wrenching her hand from Buffy's. Recognition flashed in Buffy's eyes, and she sighed almost in relief. "Come on, let's go outside. You were having a bad dream." Dawn said to her confused looking sister. Buffy nodded, realizing Dawn had no clue of how bad her dream was.  
Outside, the air was cool and the sky was a glittering field of stars. Dawn crouched on the dusty step and motioned for Buffy to do the same. "Are you okay?" she asked Buffy, concern in her voice. Buffy shook her head, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I don't know Dawn...I really don't know. Spike..." she trailed, feeling Dawn wrap her arms around her.  
  
"I know, I'm going to miss him too." Dawn whispered, her voice choked with emotion. Buffy sniffled, not wanting to cry about this with her sister. Dawn had no idea how deep the wounds ran-how vivid her dream had been. It wasn't about missing Spike. It was about loving Spike; needing him to function like as normal a person as Buffy could ever be.  
  
Nothing was ever going to be the same, ever again. No more Sunnydale. No more house, Magic Box, high school, grave yard...Hellmouth. It was time for a rebirth of everything Buffy and Dawn and the others had ever known. It was time to fit into society. There were other slayers now, others to help carry the burden. Buffy knew she couldn't go back to what she had been before being called. There was no possible way to do so. She had grown far too much, gained a sister and friends and relationships which she could never forget- and never wanted to. She was afraid of the real world. Buffy couldn't slay to solve her problems there. The only thing she had to look forward to was a job, bills, and more bills.  
  
Sighing, Buffy leaned on her sister, "Go on back inside, Dawnie. I'd like to be alone for a minute, I'll be back in soon, I promise. We both need our sleep. Busy day tomorrow," Buffy assured her sister, looking to the heavens again. Dawn nodded, feeling bad she couldn't help. She gave her sister another tight squeeze before reluctantly letting go and standing. She disappeared back into the dark building, leaving Buffy to face her fears alone.  
  
The dream had been so real...Buffy had seen the high school, caved in and crumbling. It was filled with water, a placid lake on a bed of destruction. In her dream, she had went to it, dipped her hand in its sun warmed waters. A tear had fallen from her eyes, landing in the dark waters, making a ripple on the lake...a large ripple; too large for one tear. Buffy had been afraid, the ground below her quaking. She though that it was an earth quake, but she knew on the Hellmouth it was anything but. Below the surface...far, far away something burned a fiery red, like underwater lava. Bubbles reached the surface, breaking and popping loudly, the shaking still there. A booming voice came into her mind. "He does not belong with us. He is yours. Hell cannot take him, he is yours." The red faded, bubbles stopped rising.  
  
Curious, she peeked over the edge, waters dark again. Something white was drifting lazily below the surface, a long garment. Buffy dipped her hands in, trying to reach it. It was too far down. Shoving her sleeves up, she plunged her arms into the abyss of water, fingers scraping the cloth. Still no good, not long enough arms. Buffy lay down on the shore, upper body hovering an inch above the water. Using her strength, she plunged her head and arms beneath the surface, snapping her eyes open to glimpse at the cloth. There! She could reach it now. Her fingers brushed it again and she yanked, catching the heavy linen. She used her leg muscles to pull herself and the item back up, and when her head broke the surface, she was gasping and panting.  
  
Buffy pulled the linen out, feeling something heavy at its end. She grasped it with both hands, and yanked as hard as she could. All at once, a body broke the surface! Buffy jumped back, face a mask of confusion and horror. As the body's head broke the surface, a ragged cry broke from her throat. A crown of soggy, curly hair, once bleached blonde, and a face of an angel met her. Spike...  
  
Thinking about her dream, Buffy felt the tears come. She let them fall over her, wetting her hair and cheeks. Dawn had woken her then, and she hadn't wanted to leave that world. She needed to know, wanted to...was it real? Buffy had been having slayer dreams since she could remember...but she didn't know if this was one. Deep down, Buffy knew that it would eat at her, and she knew it must not be real. There was no water to fill the massive crater. No way for Spike to return. It was wishful thinking, a way to act out on the loss she felt deep in her bones.  
  
She glanced at her wrist, the burns from touching him in that last moment, their last words echoing in her head. "I love you." She had confessed, it had been true all along but she had refused to admit it. His response had frozen her blood, but she knew he had said it to make her leave him. The sad smile had said more than Spike had wanted it to, "No you don't. But thanks for saying it. Now go! I wanna see how it ends." She had left, reluctantly, but there was a sister who needed her. Part of her wanted to die with him, and part of her had...a piece of her felt empty and cold. She knew she'd always feel the void, and it scared her. Could she survive without Spike? Buffy hoped so. Something had to make the tears stop flowing, because she was helpless in this emotion.  
  
Buffy wiped away the tears with her hand, wondering why things had to be this way. She had lost friends and fellow slayers, but won the battle. Was it worth it? For Buffy, it had to be. The loss she suffered was great, and if any thoughts of her actions as futile entered her mind, she knew she would have lost Spike and the others for no good reason. That was something that Buffy just couldn't bear. "I miss you..." Buffy whispered into the night, hugging her arms tight against her. She let her last tears fall, before putting on her strong front and entering the warehouse. Buffy knew she wouldn't find sleep, and certainly not peace, but if she reveled in her sadness anymore this night it would kill her. The wounds were too fresh. She glanced at the stars, before shutting the door. This was the first of many hard days to come.  
  
A/N: Hey, if you like it, review it! That's how it works. If I get reviews, I continue a story. Thanks for reading. I'm open to suggestions. Hope to write more soon! -FL- 


	2. Chapter Two

A Light in the Darkness  
  
Chapter Two: Awakenings Summary: What happens after Chosen...my way. Rating: PG-13  
  
Buffy awoke to Xander standing above her, goofy grin on his face. "Buffster, you were snoring." He said with a smile. Buffy playfully swatted at his hand, before jumping to her feet.  
  
"Wow. I fell back asleep. Didn't think that would happen. What time is it?" she asked, concern on the edge of her voice.  
  
"The clock on the wrist says..." Xander paused, squinting at his watch, "9 a.m." Buffy shoved her disheveled hair out of her eyes and gave a stunned look.  
  
"We need to pack up, get going." Buffy said, looking at all the slumbering slayers. "Need to take those still hurt to the hospital, find us a place of residence. And for the love of all that's holy, I need a shower. Turok Han blood-ewwww." She said, pout on her lips. Xander laughed before pulling a surprised Buffy in for a hug.  
  
"We made it. Can you believe it, Buffy? I thought we lost you again, for a moment I thought we lost everything...but we came out on top...with a few casualties granted..." Xander trailed with much bereavement. She knew he was thinking of Anya, causing her to think of her own loss. Buffy pulled Xander closer, burying her face in his shirt.  
  
"Hey, we'll get through this together, okay?" She assured him, although she knew it'd still be the most difficult thing she'd ever do. Rebuilding their lives would be a trying task. Xander rested his chin on her bent head, sighing, before releasing her.  
  
"I really hope you're right." He said. So did Buffy.  
  
After another hour of rousing the natives and packing the various items salvaged from Sunnydale before the battle, the bus was loaded and the band of travelers was ready to go. Dawn and Buffy sat together, talking about nothing in particular, just trying to keep their worried minds at bay. "Man, we lost all that clothing and...um, the house." Dawn whined, sending Buffy into giggles.  
  
"I know! That wardrobe took me at least seven years to establish! It's hard to find slaying friendly footwear." Buffy joked, Dawn's turn to smile.  
  
"So...where do we go from here? Should we go find Angel?" Dawn asked, the thoughts racing through her mind getting the best of her.  
  
"No. No Angel" Buffy replied quickly and crisply. She couldn't take that just yet. "For now, we've got money. We rent an apartment somewhere, and go from there. All the girls need to go back home. Giles...he'll probably go back to England, with the Watcher's Council all kablooey." Buffy added, trying to mentally piece the answers together. "Other than that, I really don't know. You finish school. I get a job. Something like that." Buffy tried to give Dawn what she wanted to hear.  
  
"So, normal life for you? No slaying, just working?" Dawn asked.  
  
"I don't know, Dawn. It's the day after. I really don't have any answers. I'm still a slayer, I still have to slay...I guess." Buffy muttered, trying to get away from Dawn's prying questions. Luckily, Andrew walked down the isle, offering a nice, long game of Dungeons and Dragons to pass the time. "Go, play...it'll take your mind off things." Buffy urged, pushing Dawn off the seat. Dawn gave Buffy the death stare, but walked to the back of the bus.  
  
Buffy sighed in relief; the questioning was just so intense. She rested her head against the cool glass, wondering what really was the next step. Giles had already begun arranging flights home for the girls, contacting their parents and explaining what had happened. Willow hadn't said too much, she was spending a lot of time with Kennedy. Xander had his own mourning to do. Andrew...well, was being Andrew. Faith and the former Principal Wood had been spending every free second together. Willow had healed Wood as best she could after being so drained from her spell, but he wasn't in the clear yet. Buffy laughed at the thought of Faith playing nursemaid to him, it was more like naughty nurse if Faith was involved...Shoving that graphic image from her mind, Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
She was falling...drifting into a deep, dark sea. The cold water enveloped her, her clothes sticking to her body like a second skin. Buffy thrashed wildly, trying to reach the surface, but it was just so far away. She tried to cry out, but only a stream of bubbles left her lips. The edges of her world grew dim, and Buffy gave up on struggling...so tired...tired of everything...sleep...now. Suddenly two strong hands grabbed her and hauled her to the surface, gagging and choking. The light was blinding, and Buffy had to shield her eyes as the hands held her up, supporting her. She squinted through her fingers, trying to identify the rescuer. No such luck. Turning away, Buffy looked to the shore of the deep sea. Desert. Standing in the desert was Tara, much as she had been when Buffy had met the first slayer long ago. "Tara?" Buffy asked, very confused.  
  
"Yes. I have a message for you. It's quite complicated, but with time everything will be revealed, Buffy" Tara said, kindness pouring from her voice. Buffy reveled in the sound; she had missed Tara just as much as the next person. "He can't stay here, Buffy. He's paid his debt; the slate has been wiped clean. Hell cannot keep him, and neither can Heaven. He must come back. He will be as he once was...and you must protect him, teach him in the ways of the world. But, you will not find him here...not in your dreams. Not now. The time is not right. Keep your eyes open, Buffy. You will know when. The signs will lead you to him. I'm sorry I can't be clearer, but you will find out what my message means soon enough. He will come to you when you need him most Buffy. Your fates are intertwined. I have seen it. Take heart." Tara said, a placid smile on her pink lips. Buffy couldn't help smile despite the confusion. She knew Tara must be speaking about Spike, but she wasn't sure how to find him.  
  
"How will I know?" Buffy asked, calling across the lake.  
  
"Faith. Hope. Love...these three things will lead you." Tara replied, turning and walking away into the sunset. "And Buffy, tell Willow I love her..." Tara said over her shoulder, a sad smile crossing her face. Buffy's heart ached at the look.  
  
"I will, Tara...and thank you." Buffy said, still squinting from the white light. She turned back to the blinding figure. "Reveal yourself." She commanded, voice stern. Nothing. "Reveal him!" Buffy pleaded towards the sky. "I need to know, need to see." She cried, echoing across the lake. The light lifted, and a look of pure confusing passed her face as she stared at Spike as she had never seen him before. His face matched hers, his surprise just as genuine. Buffy reached her hand out to trail it down his face- and suddenly woke up. With a frustrated cry, Buffy threw her hands in the air. So close...  
  
"Stop the bus, Giles. We need a break. Where are we?" Buffy asked, mood turned foul since the dream had passed.  
  
"We're quite near Las Vegas, actually" Giles said, pulling into the gas station. He turned to all those in the back. "Okay, 15 minutes. Meet back here, please!" Giles said to the girls who were already piling off the bus. It was like a field trip gone wrong. Giles looked at Buffy, noting her unhappy disposition. "Buffy, what's wrong?" Giles asked, knowing her well.  
  
"Nothing...everything." Buffy reluctantly admitted. "It's these dreams I keep having. Twice now I've had prophetic dreams...all about Spike. He's not dead. Or at least not for long...Tara wasn't very specific." Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Tara? Whatever are you talking about?" Giles said, concerned a little bit about Buffy.  
  
"Yes, Tara. Don't look at me like I should be in the funny farm. She delivered a message to me from The Powers that Be. Something like Spike can't be contained in Heaven or Hell, so he's coming back here. But, not yet...and faith, hope, and love will lead me to him. Tara said our fates are entwined. I don't understand, but she said I wouldn't...go figure. I'm just really scared, Giles. I know Spike died. I saw him!" Buffy said, upset at the thoughts. Giles put a protective arm around her.  
  
"Buffy. It's okay. I know we're all going to have to adjust...but we'll all make it. Whatever The Powers meant will be revealed in time, I'm sure of it." Giles assured her. Buffy felt that he still didn't understand, but accepted the cold comfort.  
  
"Yeah..." Buffy sighed, walking down the stairs. She needed some caffeine, sleep sounded like the last thing she wanted to do ever again. A/N: These first few chapters are just building up the plot. I know it's a bit confusing so far...but please bear with me. For those who reviewed, I can't get it to show up on lovely ff.net...haha. But, thanks( I'll be writing more soon. 


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